CHRISTOPHER STEVENS reviews last night’s TV: Mega estate agents and dialogue as woody as a terrace

Mega Mansion Hunters

Evaluation:

Fasting and the Farmer

Evaluation:

Don’t buy anything from a man on the doorstep. It’s never a good idea. Whether he’s whipping brushes or offering Tarmac your car, just say no politely and firmly.

And if he’s wearing sockless loafers, earrings with a man bun and claims he can sell your house for £5million, send him packing.

The same goes for saleswomen with so much fake tan that their faces turned green.

Mega Mansion Hunters features luxury real estate agents selling chic and glamorous homes.  Pictured from left to right: Quas, Erin, Reis, Sophie, Tyron, Alex, Chloe and Brett

Mega Mansion Hunters features luxury real estate agents selling chic and glamorous homes. Pictured from left to right: Quas, Erin, Reis, Sophie, Tyron, Alex, Chloe and Brett

Property sales boss Tyron Ash bragged, on Mega Mansion Hunters (C4), that his business was run by agents who went door to door in uptown areas asking landlords to let them list their homes.

Tyron, 34, has no office. Tenders are not sealed on the high street, he says. Either way, he hates traditional agencies and the way they do business.

Although he wants us to know that his turnover is in the tens of millions, he still seethes with resentment that established companies won’t even offer him an interview for a sales position.

“Was it the color of my skin? I don’t know, he fumes.

I do not know either. But perhaps employers were put off by his 40-month prison sentence for intent to supply Class A drugs in his twenties.

In a company where reputation is paramount, prison does not inspire trust.

The original title of this show was Property Porn Stars and one look at the sales team will tell you why.

Estate sales boss Tyron Ash (pictured) bragged on Mega Mansion Hunters (C4) that his business was run by agents who went door to door in upscale neighborhoods

Estate sales boss Tyron Ash (pictured) bragged on Mega Mansion Hunters (C4) that his business was run by agents who went door to door in upscale neighborhoods

Tyron calls them his “real estate sharks,” but there was nothing real about them. From the fabricated arguments over bonuses to the “Brazilian butt lift” or the surgically enhanced buttocks displayed by 27-year-old Sophie, everything on the show was fake.

Sophie walked into a flat in Thamesside while rival Alex was showing his own client around.

“Oh,” said Alex. ‘It’s a. Surprise.’ His line sounded as woody as the balcony terrace.

Later, Tyron and Alex sat down in an empty bar to have a definitely spontaneous and unscripted conversation about how they were both bullied at school.

The youngest of the so-called sharks was Chloe, 19, who promised she was earning nearly £15,000 a month.

If that’s true, I don’t know why she can’t pay for a dog sitter, instead of taking her Labrador on visits.

When The Fast And the Farmer-ish was announced, as part of BBC3's big return to screens, that show was widely mocked for its concept as well as its goofy title.

When The Fast And the Farmer-ish was announced, as part of BBC3’s big return to screens, that show was widely mocked for its concept as well as its goofy title.

We can only hope that the IRS will take his tax return at face value, even if no one else believes them.

Two other 19-year-olds, Ellie and Mimi, earned less but had more fun racing tractors Fasting and the Farmer (BBC3).

The girls, along with their teammate – another Ellie, 21-year-old Miss Northamptonshire – threw around their John Deeres and Massey Fergusons in a muddy confrontation with three Devon lads.

When announced, as part of BBC3’s big return to screens, the show was widely mocked for its concept as well as its goofy title.

‘It’s going to be awesome ! Incredible!’ insisted presenter Tom Pemberton, as he hyperventilated over “a series of diesel-powered challenges”.

In fact, these wacky races look like games Jeremy Clarkson might have played in his Top Gear heyday.

Competitors had to navigate obstacle courses while singing country hits and use their vehicles to roll tires through sheds.

The sight of a deeply embarrassed boy called Bucky trying to reverse a farm vehicle while singing Shania Twain’s Man! I feel like a woman, was stupidly entertaining.

After watching a half hour episode, I can’t imagine that I will ever feel the need to see another one.

About Valerie Wilson

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